Page 5 of Nobody's Hero
‘Stand up,’ she said.
‘No.’
She sighed, like she’d expected him to refuse. ‘Either you stand up and follow me out, or we drag you out after I’ve put a bullet in your hip. Choose now.’
Koenig checked out what the other two were doing. They were watching him. The beetle-browed guy had his hand inside his jacket. Koenig could see the butt of a handgun. Looked like a SIG. Maybe a Browning. So far no one had gotten excited. No one had panicked. The internet café’s solitary staff member hadn’t noticed someone was being abducted right in front of her. She was wearing a She-Hulk costume. It bothered Koenig that adults wore costumes for Halloween. They hadn’t when he was growing up in Boston. Maybe it was a New York thing.
He glanced at the woman. He believed her when she’d said she’d shoot him in the hip. And if she did that, they would have to kill She-Hulk too.
‘Do you know why I’m here?’ Koenig said.
‘You were watching a film. Some old vampire movie.’
‘You’ve been watching me for a while then? That’s interesting. But no, I meant do you know why I’m in this cafétoday?’
‘What the hell do I care?’
‘You should care a great deal,’ Koenig said.
‘And why’s that?’
‘You clearly know who I am.’
‘Obviously,’ she said.
‘But did you know I’m kinda on an invisible leash? It’s not a short leash and I can pretty much do what I want, but I’m on a leash nonetheless.’
The woman said nothing. She frowned and glanced at Beetle-Brow. She wasn’t in charge then. Useful to know. Beetle-Brow shrugged.
‘Ah, this is new information,’ Koenig said. ‘Let me help you out. You were quite right, I was watching a movie.Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter. Have you seen it? It’s probably Horst Janson’s most well-known English language film.’
‘No one’s seen your stupid film, asshole.’
‘Oh, you really should. There’s this cool scene in the local tavern where Kronos runs his sword across some thugs’ throats before they even have time to move. There’ll be a test on that bit later.’
‘Killing you will be a public service.’
‘Anyway,’ Koenig said with a polite smile, ‘I try not to spend a lot of time in the same place, you know, in case some bounty hunters find me, but occasionally I stop long enough to catch a movie. I suppose I was what you might call a buff. A movie buff. It’s one of the things I had to give up when the Russians put five million bucks on my head.’
‘Can youpleaseget to the point?’ the woman said. ‘We’re getting old here.’
‘If you were watching me for as long as you claim, you’ll know that I’d finished watching my movie, yet knowing I can’t stay in the same place for too long, I didn’t leave the second Kronos saves the village and rides off into the sunset. A more inquisitive group of bounty hunters might have asked themselves why that was.’
‘And what might this group be more inquisitive about?’ Beetle-Brow said.
‘I’ve got you guys in stereo now?’ Koenig said. ‘I thought you might leave all the long words to the Joker.’
‘My name’s Cunningham, asshole!’ the woman snapped.
Koenig smiled. He loved it when people lost their cool. It meant they weren’t thinking clearly. They were deviating from their plan. This wasn’t the first time people had tried to claim the bounty, and it wouldn’t be the last. ‘You guys want to tell me your names as well?’ he said to Beetle-Brow and Walks-Like-a-Duck.
‘Shut the hell up,’ Beetle-Brow said.
Koenig didn’t.
‘You see, this invisible leash I’m on means I’m required to send an email by five p.m. on the last day of every month. Today is Halloween, and Halloween is the last day of October.’ He paused. ‘Stop me if I’m going too fast.’ No one stopped him.
‘It’s why I was watching the movie in an internet café instead of a cinema with a feed bag of popcorn and a gallon of Sprite,’ Koenig continued.